Reason 5,683

I did something tonight I hardly ever do - I went to the Saturday evening Mass. I went to one of those Wilkes-Barre churches where the priest is overworked with three parishes and they are trying to balance seeing after several flocks with all their different needs.

So I do not blame the pastor for having three Extraordinary Ministers Of Holy Communion at tonight's Mass. Even though I can't stand the site of EMHC's. But you already knew that.

Tonight was reason 5,683 why I hate EMHC's.

Now, I have the unequaled talent of being able to form an opinion of someone in 7.2 miliseconds, and I am usually right. Kind of like Padre Pio without the hoilness to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Tonight was no different.

One of the Communion Babes I pegged right off the bat as being a frustrated "Why can't I be a priest if I want to be?" type as she processed in.

One of the games I like to play at Church is "let's see if I sit on the side of the Church Father decides to distribute Communion to". Sometimes I win.

Tonight I lost.

As I approached the future Womyn Priest member I heard her say loudly as she distributed to the faithful, "bodychrist!"

I thought perhaps she had simply forgotten what she was actually supposed to say, but again she repeated "bodychrist!" as she jabbed the Eucharist at the hands of the communicant before me.

I approached her and she again roared "bodychrist!" and plunged Jesus into my midsection, presumably for me to take into my hands. As I leaned towards her, she realized with horror that I was one of THOSE people. The one's who take communion on the tongue (!).

To say she did not place the Holy Eucharist on my tongue is putting it lightly.

She was so afraid I might mistake her for a salt lick that the host ended up smooshed by her on the tip of my lip and I had to hastily reach up and put the Precious Body of our Lord into my own mouth.

Then I gave her a dirty look for being so irreverent in her duty.

I know, I know.

But it absolutely kills me that these people are entrusted with an honor so tremendous.

And they treat it like they are playing ring toss.

If you're so worried about getting the pig flu, go find another way to spend your time.