Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Book Of Obama

And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of the land
called America , having lost their morals, their initiative, and their
will to defend their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that
person known as "The One."

He emerged from the vapors with a message that had no meaning; but He
hypnotized the people telling them, "I am sent to save you." My lack
of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego, and my
association with evil doers are of no consequence. I shall save you
with hope and Change. Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the
land that he who proceeded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation,
and that all he has built must be destroyed. And the people rejoiced,
for even though they knew not what "The One" would do, he had promised
that it was good; and they believed. And "The One" said " We live in
the greatest country in the world. Help me change everything about it!"
And the people said, "Hallelujah! Change is good!"
Then He said, "We are going to tax the rich fat-cats." And the
people said "Sock it to them!" "And redistribute their wealth." And
the people said, "Show us the money!" And the he said, "
redistribution of wealth is good for everybody."

And Joe the plumber asked, " Are you kidding me? You're going to
steal my money and give it to the deadbeats??" And "The One"
ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe's personal records were hacked and publicized.
One lone reporter asked, "Isn't that Marxist policy?" And she was
banished from the kingdom!

Then a citizen asked, "With no foreign relations experience and
having zero military experience or knowledge, how will you deal with
radical terrorists?" And "The One" said, "Simple. I shall sit with
them and talk with them and show them how nice we really are; and they
will forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!" And the people
said, "Hallelujah!! We are safe at last, and we can beat our weapons
into free cars for the people!"
Then "The One" said "I shall give 95% of you lower taxes." And one,
lone voice said, "But 40% of us don't pay ANY taxes." So "The One"
said, "Then I shall give you some of the taxes the fat-cats pay!"
And the people said, "Hallelujah! Show us the money!"

Then "The One" said, "I shall tax your Capital Gains when you sell
your homes!" And the people yawned and the slumping housing market
collapsed. And He said.. "I shall mandate employer-funded health care
for every worker and raise the minimum wage. And I shall give every
person unlimited healthcare and medicine and transportation to the
clinics." And the people said, "Give me some of that!"
Then he said, "I shall penalize employers who ship jobs overseas."
And the people said, "Where's my rebate check?"

Then "The One" said, "I shall bankrupt the coal industry and
electricity rates will skyrocket!" And the people said, "Coal is
dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we don't care for that part
about higher electric rates." So "The One" said, Not to worry. If
your rebate isn't enough to cover your expenses, we shall bail you out.
Just sign up with the ACORN and you troubles are over!"
Then He said, "Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. Let's
grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education, free lunches,
free medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed housing..." And
the people said, "Hallelujah!" and they made him king!
And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs and
ever-higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off workers. Others
simply gave up and went out of business and the economy sank like unto
a rock dropped from a cliff.

The bank banking industry was destroyed. Manufacturing slowed to a
crawl. And more of the people were without a means of support.
Then "The One" said, "I am the "the One"- The Messiah - and I'm here
to save you! We shall just print more money so everyone will have
enough!" But our foreign trading partners said unto Him. "Wait a
minute. Your dollar is not worth a pile of camel dung! You will have
to pay more... And "The One" said, "Wait a minute. That is
unfair!!" And the world said, "Neither are these other idiotic
programs you have embraced. Lo, you have become a Socialist state and
a second-rate power. Now you shall play by our rules!"

And the people cried out, "Alas, alas!! What have we done?" But yea
verily, it was too late. The people set upon The One and spat upon
him and stoned him, and his name was dung. And the once mighty nation
was no more; and the once proud people were without sustenance or
shelter or hope. And the Change "The One" had given them was as like
unto a poison that had destroyed then and like a whirlwind that
consumed all that they had built.

And the people beat their chests in despair and cried out in anguish,
"give us back our nation and our pride and our hope!!" But it was too
late, and their homeland was no more.

You may think this a fairy tale, but it's not.

It's happening RIGHT NOW


Anonymous said...

Lol, who wrote that? It's good. I like the hyperbolic language, and the whole 'The One' thing since he is/was so venerated, even before being elected.

The funniest line to me was:

"He emerged from the vapors with a message that had no meaning;"

LOL, b/c he's all emerging from the vapors, all mystical and deep -- with a message that means nothing. But of course no one notices or cares b/c they just wanted to be "rescued" by him.

- L

The Rockin' Traddy said...

I don't know who wrote it. I got in an email, but I thought it was awesome enough to share it with my bloggy friends!

Anonymous said...

Roaming Catholic writes:
Pure Science Fiction!!! This will never happen in the land of Hatchy Milatchy, aka America. Pure BS!!! I will copy and paste and send it out to my minions to read.

Anonymous said...

Hey RT...

Ya gonna see the new Robin Hood movie? I think you know why I'm asking. :P I didn't want to watch until I read a certain king is in it...

- L

The Rockin' Traddy said...

L - Ha! I was going to see it until I saw the previews where "Maid Marion" was gussied up like a knight fighting. I am getting sick of these remakes of classic films where they feel it necessary to change things to appeal to modern liberal audiences.

Were there no damsels in distress in medieval times? They did that in that King Arthur film too where Guinevere was painted up like William Wallace killing people. Give me a break.
But for all its historical inaccuracies give me "Kingdom of Heaven" any day over this claptrap.

But yeah, to answer your question I will rent it for a buck. Not spend 20 bucks to see it in theatres.

Anonymous said...

I responded to this last week or whenever but I don't think it got through!

I said something like...it looks kind of boring to me. I don't like Russell Crowe, either. I don't understand what the big appeal of his is. I mean he's hot headed which is sort of neat...but as far as in movies... *yawn*

And yes I hate when things are shifted around just to appease people's wants. Like, "fanfiction" if you've ever heard of it...I hate! You know, I'm all about remaining faithful to the original source, character, whatever, not twisting it to fit some fantasy.

And lastly to what you said...Joan of Arc was special with her man-guise in war, back in the day. Not EVERYone and their brother...sister...

- L