Saturday, September 26, 2009

Reason 5,683

I did something tonight I hardly ever do - I went to the Saturday evening Mass. I went to one of those Wilkes-Barre churches where the priest is overworked with three parishes and they are trying to balance seeing after several flocks with all their different needs.

So I do not blame the pastor for having three Extraordinary Ministers Of Holy Communion at tonight's Mass. Even though I can't stand the site of EMHC's. But you already knew that.

Tonight was reason 5,683 why I hate EMHC's.

Now, I have the unequaled talent of being able to form an opinion of someone in 7.2 miliseconds, and I am usually right. Kind of like Padre Pio without the hoilness to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Tonight was no different.

One of the Communion Babes I pegged right off the bat as being a frustrated "Why can't I be a priest if I want to be?" type as she processed in.

One of the games I like to play at Church is "let's see if I sit on the side of the Church Father decides to distribute Communion to". Sometimes I win.

Tonight I lost.

As I approached the future Womyn Priest member I heard her say loudly as she distributed to the faithful, "bodychrist!"

I thought perhaps she had simply forgotten what she was actually supposed to say, but again she repeated "bodychrist!" as she jabbed the Eucharist at the hands of the communicant before me.

I approached her and she again roared "bodychrist!" and plunged Jesus into my midsection, presumably for me to take into my hands. As I leaned towards her, she realized with horror that I was one of THOSE people. The one's who take communion on the tongue (!).

To say she did not place the Holy Eucharist on my tongue is putting it lightly.

She was so afraid I might mistake her for a salt lick that the host ended up smooshed by her on the tip of my lip and I had to hastily reach up and put the Precious Body of our Lord into my own mouth.

Then I gave her a dirty look for being so irreverent in her duty.

I know, I know.

But it absolutely kills me that these people are entrusted with an honor so tremendous.

And they treat it like they are playing ring toss.

If you're so worried about getting the pig flu, go find another way to spend your time.


Anonymous said...

Okay, interesting for several reasons.

First - "Now, I have the unequaled talent of being able to form an opinion of someone in 7.2 miliseconds, and I am usually right."

Yes, I second that! About you, I mean. You are good at that.

Second, I pretty much always go to church on Saturday evening. Just, because it worked out better I guess growing up.

Third, omg, I've ALWAYS had "EMHCs" at the masses I go to! I thought they were just a 'given'!!

And last, I always play the game of trying to judge where the priest is going to be...because I'm trying to avoid it. because of the whole gluten thing. Shh. Because, I don't know, I feel foolish enough standing in line and skipping past the Eucharistic minister enough. I'd feel like a total ass bypassing the priest. Not that it's my fault, and it's a health issue but, I don't'd just feel wrong and embarrassing. But anyway, I've been 'wrong' in the game before.

- L

Anonymous said...


Maybe you could mention to the Presider beforehand, and ask him to alert the other Priests, Deacons, or Lay People distributing the Eucharist so you don't need to feel as embarassed? Remember, it is in bearing the cross that we unite ourselves in Christ! Through the Cross we find salvation, through death, eternal life! How beautiful is that?

BTW, I used "Presider" here to distinguish him from the other priests, as it is he who can make sure all know (Unless there is an MC, then let him know!)

Not sure celebrant would have fit! Maybe Primary Celebrant?

President of the Assembly! :P (Though I do like that term!)

Proud Catholic

Anonymous said...

Roaming Catholic writes:
....ahhhh, and what perfume did the Sacred Host taste like?

The Rockin' Traddy said...

Eh. She smelled like Boscov's...

Anonymous said...

Proud Catholic,

I suppose. But, so far it's worked just avoiding the priest and also the cup with the sprinkled communion in it. Thanks though.

- L

Jeff said...

Good for you!!!
I think there should be term limits. No, wait, I think Extraordinary Ministers should be properly trained in the first place. No, wait, they, perhaps, should be taught the meaning and etymology of the word "EXTRAORDINARY"!!