Wednesday, April 1, 2009

If CNN existed during Biblical Times

Some possible headlines you would have seen:

On Red Sea crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed


On David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock


On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
400 Killed


On the birth of Christ:
HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

On feeding the 5,000:
PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

On healing the 10 lepers:
LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
"Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy

On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer's Investment Lost

On raising Lazarus from the dead:
FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Will Reading to be Delayed

Do you have nay?

3 comments:

Christian said...

Nay.

Anonymous said...

funnay though

Xavier said...

On Job:
GOD MAKES BET WITH DEVIL TO RUIN POOR SAP'S LIFE
Oh wait, that's exactly what happened.

Numbers 31:18:
GENOCIDAL SCHIZOPHRENIC TELLS SOLDIERS TO KILL ALL EXCEPT FOR LITTLE GIRLS SO THEY CAN RAPE THEM
Oh wait, that's exactly what happened again.